Argh.

I don't use the word "hate" often, but one thing I do hate is when you know you have the power to do good or do better but there are people and things holding you back. It is such a discouraging and frustrating feeling.

I was recently asked to join a committee and because I wasn't around when the committee was formed, many things have already been planned and in my opinion, planned very poorly. I have so many ideas and suggestions but I feel that some of the existing members don't want to disturb what's already been established/decided, closing their minds off to fresh ideas, possibly better ideas, most of which comply with the current industry standards as opposed to what they've been doing so far, making up by consensus. 

Serenity now. 

Being grateful - 20120329

I am grateful for networking, free food, and ultrasounds.

It was one of my last days of work before mat leave and I spent it in training today. I know, strange, but you know, it was okay. It was nice to spend it with many of the people I work with, some of whom I've been emailing all year and never met. It was a good networking opportunity, and I was asked to join a team of people (when I come back) who would work towards advancing our roles in the organization. I was flattered and agreed that I'd be a part of it next April, upon my return. Also, it helped that we got free food, something we don't get often in the public sector.

I had to leave training early, though, for an ultrasound. Baby S II is doing well and they even said that I could last until Monday. Like that's happening.

Update to come!

Being grateful - 20120328

I am grateful for burgers and babies and baked goods.

I met up with one of our BFFs today for lunch after my regular doctor appointment. We work in buildings pretty much right beside each other and haven't had lunch together in a while, so it was just time to meet up, and also we needed to have one more lunch before I went on mat leave. We went for burgers at Hero Burger and talked about all sorts of stuff, catching up on what we've been up to. When I went on mat leave last time, we also met up for burgers. It was just really nice to hang out and talk over lunch. And, of course, I didn't leave lunch without a big stain on my belly. Thanks, mustard.

I also baked some cheesecupcakes for my colleagues. With me going away for a year, I figured that it'd be nice to leave them with a treat, and also thank them for the shower they threw me. Also, a bunch of them have been asking me when I'd be making my cupcakes since the last time (they were slightly disappointed when, at our last pot luck, I brought in snowflake decorated sugar cookies -- impressed but disappointed they weren't my cupcakes. Also, I'm missing our next pot luck, which is on Monday). So I left some on our floor and the floor below us (we're spread out over two floors) and ended up being swarmed. I heard that the ones on the floor below were gone in 2 seconds after I sent out an email saying that they were there. I didn't even get to try one -- they were white chocolate brownie crusted cheesecake cupcakes with raspberry cream cheese frosting. Dang, that sounds good. Luckily, the dozen that I set aside for Mr.S to bring to work weren't all needed (he brought in just a few for his team), so we were able to try the rest at home. I mean this in the most modest way -- they were amazing.

Being grateful - 20120326

I am grateful for work friends and baby showers.

I can't remember if I posted about this, but I found out that my work friends were planning a shower for me. As a member of the administrative staff in the organization, I have access to several people's calendars, all of whom were invited to the shower. And so, when they got the invitation, so did I. I pretended that I didn't get those notifications and deleted them when I saw them to minimize the amount of information I had about the "surprise". Later, my colleague who was planning it apologized for the spoiled surprise and we laughed about it, after I told her I was just going to pretend I didn't know. I was certainly not expecting anything, especially with this being my second child, so I told her and my team that I was totally flattered and touched that they were planning something for me and the baby.

And today was that day. We giggled about how I should react since everyone outside my team didn't know I knew about it. It was nice to have so many of the people I work with in one room, all of whom have become my friends, and coming from different levels in the organization. We played a few games and ate some treats, something we always welcome.

And, it was nice to introduce everyone to my mat leave replacement, who, BONUS! also bakes. Everyone was relieved to have someone who could still contribute baked goods to our pot lucks in my absence.

Being grateful - 20120323

I am grateful for 2nd chances and days off.

Today we attempted to use our Groupon for Magenta Studios. I say attempted because well, D-nut was under the weather and being very grumpy and uncooperative. We got a few shots, but most of them were solos of me  (and belly), which were only taken to show him what we were doing there. After the allotted time slot for our session came to a close, the photographer let us know that we could always come back for another session, for free, a service they have for occasions just like this. Thank goodness. We didn't have any shots of just D-nut and belly, but we did get a few family shots, which weren't bad.

So yes, we had today off. It's my last day off before my mat leave/vacation starts and with us having the car, we decided to drop by my work so I could bring some stuff home from my desk. God knows I wasn't carrying all that stuff home on the subway. So, we made our way downtown and I introduced my office friends to my family. It was nice to bring those two worlds together.

Being grateful - 20120319

I am grateful for being disposable.

Today was my maternity leave replacement's first day. And in preparation for her arrival and stay, I made myself completely disposable. What is it they say about good employees? That they make themselves completely disposable, right? Or is that not what they say? Anyway, that's what I did. I really wanted to make sure that she could take over my job and they'd not need me for the year that I'm away.

Anyway, she's great. And a great addition to the team. Oh, and she bakes. Which is very important for our department pot lucks. People were starting to mourn the loss of my contributions!

Being grateful - 20120314

I am grateful for work opportunities.

Today is the 1 year anniversary of the first day I went back to work after mat leave and also, my first day at my current job. My boss sent me the first email of the day congratulating me on a job well done in my first year here and thanking me for all that I've done for our team. I truly believe that me getting this job is one of the biggest blessings I've ever been given. With the efforts I've made in my life towards the cure for cancer, this job has made it part of my every day, and every day, when I leave the office, however hard or easy my day was, I know I've helped forward the cause. That's one big thing our CEO emphasizes to everyone in this organization--that all of us are integral in the search for a cure (read more about him in the most recent issue of Canadian Running magazine!).

I actually applied for this job in January of 2011. I applied for a lot of jobs in January of 2011. I went in for an interview a few weeks after I applied and felt really good about it. I knew I really wanted this job because of all the things I would learn, all the things I would get to do and truly felt that all the experience I had gained could really be put to use. Mr.S and I prayed for this opportunity to become part of our lives, but also prayed, even as badly as we wanted it for me, that if it wasn't for me and someone else needed the opportunity more, give it to them. It was a hard prayer to pray, but we just thought it was such a good fit for me that if I didn't get the job, we needed to accept it and not let it interfere with my job search.

I was really in search of another job. My old job was a good one too, with great people, but I just didn't feel fulfilled at the end of the day, didn't use the knowledge I gained in university, nor did I feel like I had much room to grow. I wanted something that would let me commit me to a 9-5 (or 8-4) and no more. I wanted something that didn't require me to travel. I wanted something that I didn't have to think about when I left the office. I wanted something easy. As a new mother, I had other things I wanted on my mind and consuming my time and work was not and is not one of them. I knew this would likely mean a lower position than my last one, but I was okay with it, as long as we didn't suffer financially, and well, I like growing in organizations.

A few weeks after the interview, I got an email from the director saying that I didn't get the job, but I was their second choice, and that she had suggested me for a similar position that would be opening in the coming months, with another team. She was asking my permission to forward my CV to them and I eagerly agreed. It wasn't the team I was originally hoping to work with though, but I'd take it.

After that, I got a few more calls for interviews, some for jobs I applied to and didn't really know why, so I didn't interview, and some I interviewed for. None of them interested me as much as the one I applied for originally. I even got offered a job, without an interview, with one of the organizations I did my first fundraiser for, but because it was a temporary position, I turned it down. What we needed was stability.

Then, a few weeks later, in late February, just when things were starting to get a little scary because my maternity leave was about to end and I wasn't sure of my job situation (my old job was there, as were flexible variations of it, but I wasn't keen on taking it back), I got a call. It was one of the people I interviewed with saying that the candidate they had chosen couldn't stay and with me being their second choice, they were wondering if I was still interested in the position. My heart felt like it was drained of all blood. Um, let me think...HELLSYEAH!

A few days later, I went in to meet the director (who suggested me for that other position that still hadn't been posted for at the time) and what was supposed to be like a second interview, ended up being one of the best conversations I've ever had. Really, she just wanted to get to know me. We ended up sharing experiences of grueling long distance physical feats -- me and marathons, she and Rides to Conquer Cancer. She encouraged me to give it a try one year if I was up to it, and when I said the same to her with marathons, she laughed and told me about her hatred of running. Fair enough! We also ended up talking about our common experiences losing our mothers to leukemia, me at 5, she in her 40s. It was a conversation that, I think, almost brought both of us to tears, and I don't know about her, but it felt like we started out as strangers and left, not only as employee and boss, but as friends.

This job was proving promising already.

When I officially started, I loved it right away. The people were great, the job was great, and the fulfillment was amazing. It also helped that the team was instantly loving the way I was doing things and shared their feelings about how they didn't feel the first hire was a good fit for the team. I was learning so much right away, much of it the nitty gritty behind the cause, the efforts going into not just finding a cure, but improving the quality of the existing system, efforts to make the experience for cancer patients as pleasant as possible. There was so much hard work being done, and so much of it isn't seen. I was, and am, working for an organization whose sole purpose is to make things better for those affected by cancer in Ontario, advising the government on how best to do it.

In the year I've been here, I've met so many people, worked with so many varieties of people with a variety of levels of education and made so many friends. Although my director left after a few months of working together, we still keep in touch and she comes by once in a while. One of my team members went on maternity leave, another went back to school to finish her last year of university and the last of the original team I started with, the one who called me to offer me this job, is moving to another team within the organization and we share our last day on the 30th.

I am so grateful for the past year and this job.

Being grateful - 20120223

I am grateful for awesome coworkers.

I have this colleague. She's 63, going on 30. Seriously. The most youthful 63-year-old I've ever met, funny, easy to work with, and very no nonsense. I love her. I forget that she's old enough to be my mother, and is just a few years younger than my parents. She's been through a lot in her life, and is never shy to share with me what she's learned. She's also always open to hearing about things I've learned in my life so far, especially things that she never experienced in her younger years. Always asking how I'm feeling, always inquiring as to how the pregnancy is going after my doctor appointments, always helping me ease any stress when I tell her I'm having an issue at work....we have a very good working relationship. She makes me miss her when she talks about retirement, and even I'm talking about maternity leave. Because when it's time for me to come back, she'll be working on closing up shop on her career.