I am ready.

Twenty-six.

We have been apart for officially over a quarter of a century.That's a long time.

If the time we were apart were a person, they’d be celebrating their 26^th birthday today. At 26, many people are diving into their first careers, partying, finding themselves, developing hobbies, traveling…

And so, I think it’s time that I try that out with you. I think it’s time that we look into our path together, celebrate, find a place just for you and me, teach each other a few things, travel together. Imagine the places we could be together. Imagine the things we could show each other. And we’re not bound by the rules of the earth. Imagine. You and me could make up for 26 years of me thinking that we were apart, when all this time, we could have been closer than we ever could be, closer than maybe we would never be if you were still here in body.

I have you in spirit, and though the earth tells me that we are far, far away from each other, and my hand has been longing to hold yours and snuggle in the warmth of your embrace, my spirit has never once felt the coolness of an empty hand. You have always, always been there, holding my hand, helping to guide me, bringing me to places I never would have been if you were still here on earth.

But my eyes have been blind to your presence. Always longing for you and missing you and wishing I could be with you, when all this time, you’ve been right here, so patient with me, knowing that one day, I’d see the possibility and know the prospect of us still having a relationship while you’re “there” and I’m “here” is more than real; it’s happening.

I’m opening up my eyes today. Let’s go on an adventure.

Frozen

We had a fun kids-day-out yesterday and took the boys to watch Frozen. I, like many others, I’m sure, cried like a baby within the first 5-10 minutes (and then at regular intervals throughout the movie). Those Disney people sure know how to break you down quickly.

I’ll try to talk about this without spoiling the movie, but just in case, I’m going to issue a SPOILER ALERT in the event I fail miserably.

SPOILER ALERT! SPOILER ALERT! SPOILER ALERT! SPOILER ALERT! SPOILER ALERT! SPOILER ALERT! SPOILER ALERT! SPOILER ALERT!

The movie, contrary to what most people first thought, is not about a snowman and reindeer. It’s about two sisters, their relationship, and the struggles involved. And a few more complications, but you have to watch it. Ah, now you get the crying, right?

I think the reason I cried so much was because I can relate. Being the youngest of five sisters, you can imagine how badly I wanted to play with them when I was younger. But when you’re growing up and your baby sister isn’t really in the same age group, playing with me must have been a task. There were many many times I wished we could all play Barbies or something together, but when you’re in your late teens, the last thing you wanna do or be seen doing is playing Barbies with your baby sister. And I understand that. But, there were also many, many, MANY times I got to hang out with my sisters, sometimes one-on-one, sometimes with more than one at once, whether it was going to the noodle place not too far from our house, playing with my hair, playing dress up, painting my nails (and then getting in trouble for it because we were too young to be painting our nails!), or dancing hula together.

Yes, I said hula. Sundays were my favourite days. We’d go to church together and then after, we’d go to hula. Although we weren’t in the same classes, we got to dance together sometimes, and then when we danced competitively, we danced together more often. And then sometimes we’d go out after and hang out. It was fun. I felt like a big girl, like one of the girls. I think that’s mostly why I miss dancing now, and why I’ve never gone back – because my sisters wouldn’t; although my oldest sister who lives south of the border still dances.  When we went to visit her in 2004, I had the pleasure of dancing with her again and although I was quite rusty, it felt so good to be dancing again. I think that’s why, even though it’s hard to admit, hula holds a soft spot in my heart. I see people dancing and I feel like crying (but when I see people dancing poorly, I wanna scream haha).

Then I actually grew up. And as I grew up, they had more and more things to share with me, things they wanted me to know, warnings, advice, mistakes they made and wanted me to learn from. They made my head stay on straight. And the age gap got smaller and smaller and now, well, sometimes I forget it exists. And so really, time healed that “wound” I had of wanting so badly to be like and with my sisters. Sister love is truly, truly, true love.

P.S. My brother’s not that bad either. ;)

Us, in order. Pic courtesy of my sister.

The Journey up north

We recently bought a house north of where we've lived most of our lives. The decision was both an easy and difficult one; difficult in the sense that we weren't sure where in the GTA we wanted to live, and easy in the sense that when we broke it down to what we really want for our lives and our family, this place was it.

So right now, we're still in the process of settling in. I used to love moving. Love love love. The idea of such a big change excited me; packing up my life only to unpack it in a new place, where my life would take a new turn. This time around, though, is a little more of a challenge. Or well, it's really tiring. It's not just about my life -- it's about our life, which involves four separate lives, with four sets of things to pack and unpack and find homes for. Add to that two little boys, full of energy, who, in this new space, want time to play with you. So many things to do, so many things I want to do, but also so many things I need to do. If only I had more time and energy!

Don't get me wrong though. There is still plenty of excitement there. It's exciting to see my husband putting together furniture and the satisfaction in his face when he finishes piece after piece. Every time I open a box that I haven't opened in two years, it's like Christmas all over again. When I finish unpacking a box and putting the stuff in their new homes, I get excited at the result of the love and care I put into making it all work, especially when it looks so neat and organized and makes sense!

When I see the boys screaming with excitement at the idea of so many toys in one space, I remember that this is exactly what I have been hoping to see. For the first few weeks that we lived in the house, we let them make a HUGE mess of the toys. All the bins were opened, empty, and their contents scattered on the floor. It was a big mess, but it was a happy mess. What kid doesn't want to see a mess of toys in their new rooms?

And so, in the bitter cold of winter, we settle in, and stay inside, with eager anticipation for the warmer weather, when we can go out, play with the neighbours, explore the neighbourhood, and enjoy the sun!

Hope you're all keeping warm! Brrrr....

So in 2014, I'm gonna write more.

Yes I said it, I wrote it and I'm gonna do it. There are far too many things I've learned over the past year or so not to share them. And I'm not just talking blogging. I'm looking to write more in my journals too, taking notes on life and the like. My memory is just too poor to not take note of things. 

And so 2014, I'm looking forward to you.