Blessed Day Care

(I wrote this in July and it didn't post?)

I was talking to one of my pregnant colleagues about her pregnancy the other day and she was telling me all about how she's feeling now that she's approaching her 8th month. We started sharing experiences about being pregnant after I almost put her into premature labour when I told her I had a 16-month old. I swear, these people think I'm 19, fresh outta high school or something. Anyway, we got onto the topic of where my son is while I'm at work.

So, I told her that he spends his weekdays with various members of our family. She then told me that the biggest thing stressing her and her husband out about her pregnancy is finding child care for when she comes back to work. So, I asked her how long she's planning to take mat leave, and she told me she's taking the full year. She then introduced me to the world of public day care.

"We started late, so maybe that's why I'm stressed. We just toured one place last week." That's what she said to make my jaw drop. Late? She hasn't even had her baby yet! So she proceeded to tell me that getting your child into day care is serious business. You have to start early, before your baby is even born, especially because the number of day cares that take babies is much lower than ones that take toddlers and/or older kids. Add to that the cut-throat competition that exists among pregnant mothers all over the city. My other coworker was just on the phone booking an appointment to tour a day care in her area. She's 5 months pregnant.

It's crazy. We had looked casually into putting D-nut in day care once a week just to give him some chance to play with other kids and well, to try it out, but we found that we weren't sure what was a good day care and what wasn't, there happened to be a news story out at the time we were looking into it that didn't give day cares a good name, and well, it wasn't exactly necessary. There were some people who were telling us, "Oh, you have to put your child in day care otherwise he'll be socially stunted when he goes to school" and well, most of the kids we know didn't go to day care and did just fine in school socially, so really, day care hasn't been very high on our list of priorities.

But how blessed are we to have, not only available, but excited family members who jump at the opportunity to watch our son?

What I learned in 2011

• There's nothing wrong with accepting help that is offered to you.
• I've found that starting our own family has filtered out what we don't need and held onto the things and people we do need. Also, our perspective on life has become much clearer.
• Sometimes a step backward is necessary to make a bigger step forward. Just remember not to step too far back or take too many steps in that direction.
• Some people don't ever change.
• If you ever really want to appreciate the things you have, pack them away for a few months.
• The work day isn't so bad when you're dedicated to the cause you're working for.
• The end of maternity leave is hard. The start of every day after that when you leave your baby for the day is even harder. But, it does get a littttle bit easier after a while.
• Oprah is even more amazing on her own network/OWN.
• People grow apart, and that's okay. Also, that doesn't mean that there has to be a definite ending, nor that if there is, it has to end badly.
• All-nighters are good for getting things done, and good for turning your brain to mush.
• Being humble is a challenge. Being more humble is also challenging, no matter how humble you were to begin with.
• Job hunting isn't so bad when you have really good motivation to do it and faith that someone will hire you.
• It's not that I'm not interested in having a career. It's that I'm more interested in growing our family and want to do it while my body still can. My career, whatever it will be, can wait, along with seeing the world.
• There's no such thing as a child who is a neat sleeper. 
• Mr.S and I make really sweet babies.
• Things are just things. What you need, you most likely already have.
• Is the show really worth it when all you're doing it for is yourself?
• "If we all realize that everyone has their own story, people would be kinder to one another."
• A cold can be a blessing.
• Going to emergency in an emergency doesn't mean that you're going to be seen right away. One thing it does mean, though, is that you'll worry and stress a lot, and you'll hear/see some strange things during the wait.
• Every woman has at least one story they'd like to tell, and if they could only tell one, they'd all be good.
• It is difficult to be useless.
• It's never too late to apologize.
• Even scary people smile.
• Whether you like it or not, that bad thing that happened to you is really a blessing in disguise. When you find out it's a blessing is often up to you.
• Some people completely change.
• One person can ENTIRELY change the direction in which your life is going. It's up to you if you want to let that person in and in which direction you'd like to go.

Enter the Guilt

I wasn't sure if I wanted write about this. But I believe that it's gonna be okay, and I figured I could get some feedback from you mothers of more-than-one.

I'm feeling guilty about having another baby be my baby other than D-nut. The days with him as our only baby are winding down, and I'm really starting to feel like our days of just us are numbered. Ugh, I'm gonna cry. It's never gonna be just him again. When this new baby comes, my attention will have to be divided into at least half, and I feel like the chances of me missing things in D's growth are going to increase. I don't want to miss things. He's growing so quickly and is picking up things so fast. I've already missed enough having decided to go back to work.

And then there's this little baby, whose mother is going to be worrying so much about what she's missing with the older one, that this one doesn't get all the attention the older one had at his age. It's bad enough I've forgotten what infants do and when! Does that stuff jump back into your memory with the baby jumps out of your womb? Can I be a good mother to two children?

I've been thinking about it day and night for weeks, moreso than in the months before that.


Then, on Sunday at mass, during D's regular I'm-bored-I'm gonna wander-around-the-baptismal-font-and-see-what-I-find walk, he saw two kids, a boy and his little sister, around D's age, playing. Usually, when he sees other kids, especially those around his age, he approaches them and sorta tries to hang out with them. These two, though, were the first set of siblings we've ever seen him just watch. The age difference between the two kids looked like two years, just like D and his baby brother will be. He just watched them play and talk to each other and kept turning around to look at us and smile. He'd walk over to get a closer look if they were moving around, but he never actually approached them. He just kept looking at us and smiling.

Oh, the peace I felt in my heart after that. It's like his smile said, "Ma, it's gonna be okay, I want one of those for me too." And then with the next smile, "Ma, really, I'm sure, this is gonna work." And then with the next smile, "Really, can I have my baby brother now?" And then with the next smile, "Trust me. We're gonna be fine."

In all my worries, I had forgotten that this baby I'm carrying is not just a gift to Mr.S and me, but to our D-nut. My siblings are the best gift I've ever gotten from my parents, and whatever attention I missed out on from them, was made up by the attention I got/get from my siblings.

So, this is gonna be great!

#Iknewitwasoverwhen

This is currently trending on Twitter. I don't usually pay much attention to what's trending, but I found it interesting that when I read it, I actually had something to Tweet...but didn't and instead decided to write. And here I am.

#Iknewitwasoverwhen he told me the only person he could think of that deserved to be with me was JS (i.e. Mr.S)

So I had this "boyfriend" when I was 16. We "dated" for a few months and then it became what it was, one of those teenage "romances" that don't last because you're too young to realize what you're doing. It was one of those things I didn't count, just like you don't count that boy you "dated" (i.e. held hands with haha) in 6th grade.

And yes, he thought I should be with Mr.S, who wasn't my Mr.S yet. To be honest, I didn't know Mr.S knew I was alive. Mr.S is a very quiet guy, who, at the time, I thought just wasn't into girls and dating yet. The only girl I ever saw him talk to with interest was one of my friends, who I later found was his cousin! (PHEW!) I thought maybe he was one of those late bloomers who would find a girl when he was ready and love her forever. Only, I never thought it'd be me. And so I dated thatguy.

We had a conversation one night about people we liked before we started "dating", and it came up that I liked (and secretly still liked haha, oops) Mr.S. Then he told me that of everyone he knew, he thought JS deserved to be with me, whatever that means. Why do people think someone deserves to be or not to be with someone? ANYWAY, it was over within a few weeks. (It wasn't just me thinking about Mr.S that ended it, but a combination of many things, many 16 year-old childish boyish things.)

But after that conversation happened, I thought more and more about Mr.S. And, thatguy didn't know that Mr.S and I had actually spoken, like, had an actual exchange of words (not common with guys like Mr.S). Mr.S had called me a few times from said cousin/friend's house and it turned out the coming school year graced us with 4 classes together (we had 2 classes together the previous year). OH BOY. Yes, thatguy was history.

Fast forward 13 years later, and here we are, married with 1.5 kids, me, being the girl he found to love forever.

Thanks to thatguy for dumping me when he did. (Um yeah, he broke up with me. See? 16 and stupid.) I needed that. SO needed that. And all the best on your upcoming wedding! (Seriously.)

Hallowe'en 2011

Hallowe'en was, to say the least, different this year. We didn't have any Hallowe'en parties to attend, nor did we purchase the usual pumpkin (or three), put out the Hallowe'en decor and lights, sneak into the boxes of candy that we bought since we didn't buy any, nor even dress up. Life was too crazy for us in October to do our usual Hallowe'en stuff. But, we did, of course, manage to get D-nut dressed up.

We decided on his costume months ago, maybe around his first birthday, and ordered it a few weeks before Hallowe'en. We got excited to get it in the mail/delivered and even scheduled time for any necessary alterations. Only, the company shipped it late. The estimated arrival date was November 3rd. Yes, that is AFTER Hallowe'en. We waited it out and when it didn't arrive on the 28th, we decided it was time to buy a back-up costume. We were a little sad we wouldn't get to dress him up in the costume we were hoping for, but made the best of it and got excited about the fact that we got the back-up costume for a good price, on clearance since it was so close to Hallowe'en.

Then on Hallowe'en, I got a call from Mr.S -- "The costume is here!!" Thank God!! :)

And so, Mr. Manny Pacquiao arrived.

If you don't know who he is, shame on you. Just kidding. Look him up....and watch his fight this weekend against Marquez...for the THIRD time.

Thanks to the Aussies invited us to do some Trick or Treating in their area where the houses are close together, the neighbours participate, and the kids are plentiful. A special thank you to Harry Potter and Kathy Beth Terry for being so patient with D-nut's much shorter legs.

Some news...

We're PREGNANT!!!

 

"Kuya" means big brother in Filipino. 

This is the shirt we made for D-nut when we "told" some friends on Thanksgiving weekend.

"Told" because we didn't actually say anything until they noticed what it said. 

And yes, a good chunk of our friends are Filipino too, and those who aren't are around us Filipinos enough to know what Kuya means!

Today's turning points

I was pretty grouchy today. It was my first day back to work after being off for week and a half and on vacation. Days like this are known to be challenging.

Mr.S and I slept pretty late cleaning up our the vomit excreted by our suitcases. Dirty laundry and clean laundry, folded and unfolded was everywhere, in addition to other things we unpacked from vacation. Mr.S was sweet and let me sleep as I put D-nut to sleep, so I got a bit more sleep than he did, even though he hasn't been feeling well. The smoke detectors in our house were going off sporadically throughout the night, and driving us crazy, especially since they were also waking D-nut up from what we were hoping would be a peaceful night of sleep. So you can imagine this morning was a doozy.

Waking up early and rushing to get the day ready for the baby boy proved challenging and we ended up commuting to work together, which is usually a treat, only, we were running pretty  late. When we go to work together, we take Mr.S' route which is faster for him, since he starts earlier than I do, and which means I'm commuting a lot longer than I need to. But this morning, we missed the express bus, got on a regular one with a bus driver who was driving extra slow, and I couldn't even sleep because I was fuming because I wanted to be at work early and at that point, Mr.S didn't care if he was late, yet we were taking his route. Add to this, the fact that I didn't have breakfast. Me + no breakfast = ANGRY. I got off the subway early and walked to work and grabbed breakfast on the way.

Work, itself, wasn't too bad. I anticipated all I had to do to catch up so I wasn't surprised, plus my colleague is now going on vacation so we're switching covering for each other. We had a good meeting to fill me in on what I missed and what I have to get done for her while she's away.

Then my stomach growled. I got in touch with Mr.S to meet up with him for lunch, neutralize my feelings from this morning, take advantage of a nice day outside, and exchange back-to-work laments as well as words of encouragement to get through the rest of the day. It was nice. We decided that we needed to take D-nut downtown some time soon to chase dirty pigeons and seagulls all afternoon.

Then back to work. I just wanted the work day to end and it did sooner than I thought, which was nice. Then I waited for 20 minutes to get on a subway. You don't understand--the end of the work day is a race home for me to one of the best parts of my day: seeing D-nut's smile when I get home (or finding D-nut asleep which means I can get a few winks in) and catching up with whichever awesome family member(s) watched him that day. I really wanted to get home quickly. Then I finally got to the station for the bus and the bus literally drove away as I ran off the last step of the staircase. I think I mouthed the F-word. I hope no one saw me.

I got on a bus, read my book on the way home (which sped up the bus ride), got off at my stop and wanted to run home. Instead I thought I'd walk leisurely and admire the nice things that people do with their landscaping in the summer. As I walked through the neighbourhood, I saw one of our neighbours watering his lawn with his son and daughter. I hadn't seen them since last summer and they had gotten so big. As I got closer, the little girl told me three things:
1. "You must be a teenager!"
2. "Your skirt is really pretty!"
3. "I like your bag!"
to which all of my responses were "Thank you!" and a returned compliment. It was too cute! I wished I could have stopped to chat with her more, but I had another little boy to chat with.

And now I'm home. I think this day will stay a goodie from here on.

Thankful

I've filled up my iPod with Christmas songs. It's the most diverse compilation of artists, many of them singing the same song as the next. It's great. I especially love the original ones. Not everyone can sing along with them, but sometimes it's nice to just listen. I've been hooking up my iPod in the car and at home. I haven't listened to the radio for days. Yesterday we didn't even turn on the TV. We just listened to Christmas music, finished "decking the halls" and went about our business at home. It was so nice.

A few days ago, I took a quick drive to a store to pick up a Christmas gift. Brother watched D-nut while I went out and I heard one new Christmas song just as I was driving home. This one was from Josh Grobin's Christmas album. Since I was only two minutes (literally) from home, I ended up sitting in the car in the garage to finish the song. I think it's my favourite this year. It's called, "Thankful".

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